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Friday, April 24, 2015

Five Things To Do Before You Get Married

You guys, I have a confession.

I’m not an expert in, well, anything.

So, most of what you read here is opinion. And you know what? I could be wrong about it all. But that’s okay, because Jesus knows I have good intentions. Which brings me to today’s post. Because even though I’ve been married for a long time, I’m certainly no expert.

I recently read a blog titled 5 Reasons We Can’t Handle Marriage Anymore, and while I have my opinions on that post, I will keep them to myself because if you can’t say anything nice… well, you get it.

But that post left me thinking about some things, and then Joe made a comment about things you should know about someone before you get married, and the idea for this post was born.

Because what if you work out some important details before you ever have to face them as a married couple?  Well, some of these are important, some are just TRUE.

So, here it is.

Five Things To Do Before You Get Married:

1.       Endure a Bad Case of Intestinal Issues.

And not the throwing up kind, either.

Friends, I recently got the stomach flu, and for almost an entire week, you could find me either in the bed, or in the restroom.  I walked around a little hunched over, stepping carefully, and moving very slowly.  A few times, I had to call out through the bathroom door for more toilet paper. It was humiliating, because for the past twelve years, Joe has been under the assumption that I just don’t. do. that.

But he hung in there, plugged his nose, and threw the TP at me through the cracked door.

Future marrieds, over the next eighty years, the world is going to throw a ton of crap at you. Don’t tie yourself down to someone who bails the second things start to stink.

2.       Figure Out Your Faith Life

Faith is kind of a big deal to me, and while it might not be to you, it’s a good idea to be on the same page as your future spouse.

The Bible has some pretty laid out scriptures for getting married, so if you’re a Christian, check out 2 Corinthians 6:14 and 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 if you have any questions. It’s a good start.

But people who don’t affiliate with Christianity, this applies to you, too!

Because if you’re out dancing naked in the backyard, worshipping the Goddess of Grapefruit, and he only worships the Dallas Cowboys, you may run into some issues. Mainly that you’re marrying someone who likes the Cowboys, but I digress.  

Get on the same page.

What I’m saying is no religion, the same religion, or two different religions, whatever. Work it out before you get married, because marriage certainly won’t fix this one.

3.       Figure Out Your Finances

Y’all. Money can be a deal breaker.

Joe and I were together about four months, long distance, before we got married. So basically our first six months of marriage was a big, long date.

 We each had a few grand in the bank, and by our first anniversary it was all gone. We didn’t talk about money, and I just assumed because the bills were being paid, it was all good.  Wasting your savings is not what I consider “all good.”

So, work out a budget. That way your new husband doesn’t go downtown with all the druggies to sell his platelets for gas money. (Not that my new husband did that or anything.) (Yes he did.)

4.       Babysit Someone Else’s Children

And not just for a date night.

Babysit your sister’s kids for a week. Make sure their baby is teething, and that at least one child is potty-training. Throw in a mouthy, One Direction- obsessed preteen for added fun.

If you meet eyes with your partner as he mops pee off the living room floor and he manages to smile at you, hope is not lost.

Kids bring out the best and worst in adults. Figure out what kind of parents you want to be, and all that kid stuff before you get married. And don’t expect marriage to change your partner’s mind.

5.       Take a Primitive Camping Trip

And by primitive, I mean you maybe have a water spigot.

Friends, we’re super plugged in today. We have smart phones, tablets, laptops, and watches that keep us connected to the rest of the world.  We have appliances that make our hair and teeth look perfect, and makeup that gives us a little extra help when we’re looking tired. Our Precious Baby Keurig brews us a cup of coffee in mere seconds.

Get away from all of it.

See how much fun you can have just the two of you, out in the woods with no modern conveniences, sleeping in a tent. (Or separate tents, I guess. I know I’m supposed to be promoting abstinence here. Camping seemed like a good one until now!)

 Let him see you without makeup. Let her see you try to build a fire. Try to make him coffee in a percolator.  See how fun someone is to you when you’re washing your hair in a bucket.

Still having a good time? You’re all set!

Like I said, I’m no expert in the Art of Being Married. But this is practical advice, friends! If you can enjoy spending time with someone when the circumstances are less-than-ideal, marriage might end up working out great for you. Because, although being married has its rosy moments, sometimes you get diarrhea. 

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